Peering Your Peers

Eureka!!!

February 26, 2012

Since my post entitled “Recovery!?!?!” I have struggled with staying away from the medicinal marijuana.  Actually I have been having a harder time with this than I expected.  Truthfully it was easier to quit sticking needles in my arm then this is turning out to be.  I feel frustrated, on edge and my acid reflux has kicked in something fierce.  I swear that I can physically feel pain in my chest above and beyond what is normal.

I will admit, I permitted myself to fall into a slight depression over this and it has caused me no end of mental anguish.  I quit using intravenous drugs and cigarettes yet I can not for the life of me quite smoking weed.  How could this happen?  What is my major malfunction this time?  I have been internalizing this problem in order to find a reason for this difficulty to no avail.  Until I actually went sober for my first 24hrs, then it hit me like a ton of bricks, not only is it the effects of the marijuana that I must wean myself off of but it is also the habit of smoking that I must yet again endure withdrawls from.  In my bliss of being granted the right to use marijuana for medicinal purposes I never even thought that as an ex cigarette smoker I should not smoke my marijuana.  Despite warnings from my doctor, (which I admit I ignored) I chose to smoke the marijuana instead of ingesting it using other means.  Amazing the things that a person realizes after the fact.

So I sit here suffering.  Going through withdrawls yet again, not only from the weed but from the smoking.  Amazed that I would have allowed myself to get into this position again, especially considering how far I have come in the last 2 years.

So the never ending struggle continues.  One day at a time.