April 4, 2012
— #MENTALHEALTH #RECOVERY #FAITH
As I look back at how my life has evolved over the last 3 years I am astounded. Back then I would never have allowed myself to dream that I could ever have the life that I have today. Three years ago I was living on the street, my dreams dashed and left broken by the wayside. I meandered aimlessly through dark alleyways with everything I owned in the backpack I carried with me, avoiding human contact. Not only had society cast me aside but I had cast myself aside.
Now I sit in my 3 bedroom townhouse and look around at everything I now posses. I look at the pictures of my children that hang on the wall and smile. I say say a silent prayer of thanks to God. I know that after my children come home from school the house will be turned upside down and all my efforts to clean and organize will be for naught and I have to chuckle. Regardless, I can now say that I love life.
Do not get me wrong, I still have my daily struggles and I have to be constantly alert as to my emotional status in order to ensure that I do not slip back into addictions. No matter how good my life gets I can not forget where I come from but at the same time I can not dwell on my past as my past is behind me. I have allowed some of my memories to be laid to rest and have learned to give others their own time and place as needed. If you look at me you will not see the same man that was there 3 years ago. I am no longer broken and cast aside.
I wait with anticipation to see where my life will lead me in the years to come. I do not expect a bed of roses and I expect the bumps and holes in the road to shake me to the core at times but I will not give up. God has not given up on me, so what right do I have to give up on myself. No more will I lie broken and empty, battered and worn, on the ground, retching from the drugs I continuously injected into myself. I now stand tall, with Gods strength I carry on.
You see, I never did start to believe in myself. I am still that broken person that had to crawl to the toilet or cry out for someone to help me because I was paralyzed temporarily from the drugs and I could feel myself going under. I have given the broken bits of my life to God. So next time you see me I do not want you to say `Wow, has Randy ever changed!“, I want you to realize and say, “Wow, has God ever worked a miracle there“.